The Black and White of Lying

It’s true, you are a liar.  Don’t try to tell me that you didn’t tell your grandmother that you really loved the teal sweater she gave you for your 12th birthday.

Yes, you are a teller of “white lies.”  We all are.  Sometimes deceit is excused by the greater good it serves. Sometimes white lies are strong.  For example, publicly denouncing your family to save all of their lives. Sometimes white lies are so light they are barely recognizable. You say “It’s OK” when it’s really not because you know it’s not worth fighting about.

It’s also common knowledge that there are quite a few white lies in dating profiles.  Quite a few black lies too.

800px-Auto_Racing_Black_White.svgHow to determine if your lie is white or black
The test is simple, but it’s correct application is sometimes difficult.

A deceit is excused (white lie) if the good it serves is greater than the bad of lying.
Lies, standing alone, are always black.
Generally, societies and religions have straightforward beliefs about lying.  Lying is wrong. There is a clear recognition that people live better together when communication is truthful. It’s hard to imagine a functional society that encourages lying.

It’s the good intentions that whiten a lie.
The big test of “good intentions” is to determine who will be receiving the good.  It can’t be the person lying. Lies that have the sole purpose of benefiting the liar stay black.

When is an untruth in a dating profile a white lie?
Some black lies in online dating profiles are really obvious.  It’s pretty clear with the broke guy who claims to be a millionaire and posts pictures of his younger, handsome cousin who kinda looks like he did ten years ago.

What about lying about your age?  Just 2 years, 41 to 39?  Figuring the good intentions of that misstatement is not easy.  If some people cut off their matches at 40 for no particularly important reason, and the two of you could be a match made in heaven, that untruth seems to be leaning toward white.

What about saying you’re single when you are still married – but expect your divorce to be final next week? What if you say you are 2 inches taller than reality?  What if you claim to be slender when you are carrying a few extra pounds – but you have already committed to an exercise program?

If these small lies are unimportant to your potential dates, are you merely working with the system for the benefit of both of you?

Finding someone who would really not care about the untruth, but would love to be with you, seems to be the common “good intention” that whitewashes small lies in your online dating profile.

pants

 

Can it be a white lie to give the only right answer to the question “Do these pants make me look fat?”

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Rich and Rose met in 2013 through match.com and are really enjoying their relationship. They offer what they have learned about dating and relationships to help others also have success with dating.

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