You only have one chance to make a first impression!

We encourage you to take the time and make the effort to deliver the first impression that works best for you.

Put your best foot forward = to act or appear your best; to try to make a good impression

To Act and Appear Your Best Online
The first goal of your online profile and pictures is to catch the attention of dates who are good matches for you.  After you catch their attention, your online presence needs to create sufficient interest in you to make dating likely.

Rule # 1 – Appeal to universal desires
Unless you are one of those rare people looking for something “peculiar” in a relationship (shades of whatever), count on the fact that most people are looking for the same normal things in a relationship.  Not many daters are looking to avoid people who are “nice” and “interesting” and “happy” and “healthy” and “honest” and….

Rule # 2 – Avoid unnecessary turn-offs
Sometimes trivial things detract from your image. Skip displaying information that is irrelevant to you. For example, including your astrological sign may give someone the impression that you are an astrology true believer.  That may be an unnecessary turn-off to some people.  over-accessorizedThere is a tendency to believe that the more you put in your profile, the more likely you will attract a date.  Not true.  Show what is important to you.

Rule # 3 – Keep the “your” in your best
If you are creating an attractive image that is not you, that is not likely to benefit you in the long run.  On the other hand, get past the generic descriptors when describing yourself.  Maybe sit down with a friend and “brainstorm” what makes you special.  Sometimes others see us more clearly than we do.

Rule # 4 – Don’t try to hide the obvious
Research has proven that being open about your obvious characteristics you may believe are  “negatives” works much better than trying to hide them.  For example, if you think you are too short to be attractive, it’s better to show you are comfortable with your height than to initially appear to be hiding your height.  People are attracted to confidence.  Don’t make your insecurities (we all have them) the focus of their attention.  If your profile seems to say “Yes, I’m 5′ X”. I’m good with it.”  you defuse the issue.  More often than not, what you think is your big “negative” is not nearly as big a deal to potential dates.

Fit and Balance
We have nine kids between us. Wait, let us recount. Yep, nine kids, and that has not been a problem for us. Actually, it has been an opportunity to have a better relationship.

When you think of finding the match for you and your kids you might ask yourself, “Who in the world would want all of us?” Sounds like mean old Mr Fear has been whispering in your ear.  We all know that guy too well. In reality, there are thousands of people who want all of you. Your job is to find the one you want.

Fitpuzzle-pieceXSmall
We tend to think that finding the right person is all about precise fit.  Life is not that demanding.  As we have all learned as we’ve traveled through our lives, things don’t work out exactly as we imagined they would, but they work out.  The pieces of life actually have a sloppy fit. That looseness is both good and bad; bad, only if you insist on perfect fits in a world that will always frustrate you by denying you perfection, good, because your options for a “good fit” go up astronomically when you accept imprecision.  Forget the perfect fit image.  People are flexible and ever changing, unlike jigsaw puzzle pieces (unless you’re 4 and think you can cram in that close to fitting piece).

wonderland-mobileBalance
Think about getting families together as adding to a hanging mobile.  Each person is a piece. Balance gives a desirable harmony. Begin by imaging how all these pieces for your family are arranged and hanging together.  Rarely is a family hanging in perfect balance at any one moment.  For example, one child may be too heavy with a personal problem that throws everyone else out of their comfortable place.  Maybe your family now has a nice balance that you don’t want to spoil.

Balance Rule #1 – Light pieces are easy to balance
Adding one small piece is pretty easy.  It doesn’t need to throw the family mobile into a crazy arrangement.  Start light with dating, like not meeting the children until you’ve dated a while and not trying to jump into a parental role too soon, if ever.

Balance Rule #2 – Each added piece changes the balance
When a new piece is introduced, don’t act like it’s not happening. As the parent your job is to observe the consequences of the new piece and deal with them in an appropriate manner.  Maybe introducing a new partner means spending more, not less, time with your kids.  It’s your balancing work that needs to be done.

Balance Rule #3 – Adding a group of pieces is a serious balance challenge
The two of you must have your act together before attempting the challenge of combining your family mobiles. A wire and metal mobile maker can work on a table then pick it up and try the balance.  You don’t have that luxury.  You have to hang new pieces while your family mobile is swinging in space.  You need serious planning and great execution.  Even with those things, expect some crazy swings and collisions at first.  Adjust and compensate with all your focus, and you will achieve a workable balance.

Balance Rule # 4 – Keep your mobile out of the wind
Wind on mobiles can be destructive.  With family mobiles that wind is fear.  It will happen. Anticipate it, and deal with it with love and intelligence.  You are going to be afraid, and your children will too. Like fear of the dark, fear of the unknown is rarely necessary because of real dangers.  Ask yourself and your children about the real concerns with changing the family dynamics.  Honor the fear, don’t discount it.  Remember, it is often easier to move the mobile out of the wind than to untangle the mobile after the wind messes it up.

A link to Wonderland Studio on Etsy who offer the mobile above. No connection to us – we just think they make nice mobiles.

Pay attention to your sources of advice!

“No enemy is worse than bad advice.”   Sophocles

keep-calm-and-follow-the-moneyWhat is their Motive?
If your source of advice is a commercial enterprise, how do they make their money?  Ask yourself “Is this advice being given because they want my dating to succeed?”

Click Bait
Many web sites make their money through the advertising on the site.  Every time someone clicks onto their site they make a little money from their advertisers.  If a site claims something like “The TOP 5 SECRETS to finding EVERLASTING LOVE” and their web pages are plastered with ads, can you guess what they are up to?   Do they care about you or your click?  If the claim is too good to be true, well….

Books
Granted, people generally write books to make money.  They also spend a lot of time writing, and, if the book comes from a big publisher, there has likely been some intelligent editing. We’ve read quite a few books on dating. Some are relatively worthless. Some offer real help. Some we disagree with entirely.  The good thing about buying from bookstores is that you can thumb through the book to see if you like what is being said.  Amazon has reviews that may be helpful, but we’ve purchased some well-reviewed books that were ludicrously bad.  Hey, at least we got a laugh.

Dating Websites
There are some excellent dating websites out there. We are really glad we were able to attract each other through match.com.  While we see no reason to believe the dating websites don’t want to help make matches, they make more money the longer you pay to have their service.  Hmmm, there seems to be a conflict.helping

Who Cares?
We believe there are many good people in this world who care about the well-being of others. Keep your eyes open wide (and your hand on your wallet) and look for the caring people who want to help you.

Find your Own Way using Directions
Recognize that you can figure out this dating challenge.  Also, recognize that it’s smart to find help.  You can drive from NYC to LA without a map, but it’s not such a bad idea to use one.  On the other hand, a map won’t get you there, you still must get behind the wheel (and pay for the gas).