No, not in bed. I’m talking about a lover in the sense of a person who brings love to a relationship.
Love for this purpose is multi-dimensional. To name a small set of love’s positive attributes, love is about – care, truth, respect, gentleness, commitment, understanding, intimacy, generosity, industry, sincerity, cooperation, communication, responsibility, unselfishness, support, faithfulness, forgiving, reliability, gratefulness, receptivity, and, of course, affection and passion. I’m sure I’ve missed a dozen or more other attributes. True love is a very, very good thing.
I’m willing to bet you have not been tested by some “independent laboratory” to determine your lover index quotient. Unlike admissions to college there is no standardized admissions test to be admitted to a relationship.
Research shows that healthy humans tend to significantly over-rate themselves for attributes that are valued, and the attributes of love fit into that category. People think they are better at driving, friendliness, leadership, healing, etc. than they actually are. We are biased toward ourselves as part of our fundamental self-esteem. So, we generally believe we are better lovers than we actually are.
I heard this one as advice from a dad to his son, the groom, right before his wedding. “If you want to be giving 50/50 to the marriage, give 75% because you will tend to over-rate your contribution and under-rate hers.” Ah, the joy of wisdom.