Care about what is important
We encourage you to care about what’s important in your life. This is not hard to do. Care about your friends and family, care about those who are suffering, care about doing a good job, and care about so many more important things.

shaken-not-stirredIt’s also good to care about a few things that are special to you. Wine. Baseball. Crochet. Even martinis, shaken not stirred. Having refined sensibilities in an area of special interest makes a person interesting.

Don’t care about what is not important
This precept sound a little odd and very easy to do, but often it’s harder to do than you think.  It’s commonly expressed as, “Don’t sweat the small stuff.”  In relationships, the benefit of not caring too much about too many things is that you will be easier to get along with. For example, sometimes having discriminating tastes about every little thing crosses the line from interesting into being just plain picky.

How does not caring help relationships?
We have all heard the conversation that goes something like this:
Want to go out to dinner?  Sure, where? How about Chinese? Not feeling it. Italian? Had it yesterday. That new restaurant on Broadway? I read a so-so review. How about our favorite place? It’s wearing thin on me. Hamburgers?  Yuck.      et cetera ad nauseam
spoiled
Wouldn’t it work better as a respectful exchange:
Want to go out to dinner?  Sure, where? How about Chinese? That new place on Broadway? Sure, let’s go!

Or even:  Want to go out to dinner?  Sure, you pick a place, just not XYZ, I ate there at lunch.

While the first couple is getting close to blowing up the others are on their way to an enjoyable evening.

Don’t be a pushover.  Stand up for what is important to you, but don’t make too big a deal over all the little things. Most of the time, when nothing critical is being decided, it will serve you better to be compliant, easy-going, laid-back, chill, mellow, and undemanding.  Your date will appreciate it and with any luck will return the favor.

It can be a challenge to separate what is truly important to you from what you can easily let go, but it is worth doing.

Just say yes!

Her smile!

That’s a powerful truth.

“Beauty is power; a smile is its sword.”     John Ray  1627-1705

And if you think a man’s smile doesn’t work for women, you haven’t been paying attention.

Smiling also makes you feel better. Check out this TED talk on the hidden power of smiling.

smile
Everyone has a smile.  Use yours to your advantage.

 

“Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love.”      Mother Teresa

Dating (even in our teens or young adult years) can be fraught with angst and confusion.

How do I get started?

So, here you are wondering if there is a map of this territory or even basic rules of the road. Most of us have had similar thoughts when we found ourselves at this crossroads. But, you don’t have to drive off blindly, there are maps that have been drawn from the experiences of others who have gone down these roads before you.

Road Maps

Success-Map

Be assured there are maps.   We are here to help with your maps, but before you can employ the maps you need to provide the most important things for your trip:

  1. Your starting place, in other words, who are you?  (Not an easy question nor a simple answer)
  2. Your destination, or what kind of relationship(s) you are seeking?  (again, challenging)
  3. Your baggage, some of which you love (kids, pets, home, job, etc) and some of which you just just have to lug around (kids, pets, home, job, …. no, just kidding)
  4. Your resources, all those great things about yourself that you have to offer.  (most have more to offer than they think)

Bon voyage!

Wanna get lucky?

“Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.”   Seneca

get lucky

When we want something we tend to want it as soon as possible.  Maybe we want to skip the preparation and move right on to the opportunity. When you start dating, preparation is very helpful.

Sometimes the best place to start with preparation is simply to clarify the goal. Ask yourself one simple question and take the time to think about it.

What do I want?

Knowing what you want gives you the benefits of having a goal. With a goal you can devise a strategy for accomplishing it. With a goal you can know when you are off track.  With a goal you will know when you have succeeded.

Be forewarned by Yogi Berra – “If you don’t know where you are going, you’ll end up someplace else.”

We suggest that the key to answering that question is to start with answering:

What type of relationship am I looking for?  (casual, great friends, partner, spouse, etc)

If you can write a clear paragraph (or at least a good sentence) about the relationship that you believe will work for you at this point in your life and possibly beyond, you are well on your way to getting lucky.

Good luck!

“There are two types of people in this world – those who believe you can divide people into two types and those who don’t.”    Dave the astrophysicist and camera repairman

Let’s say you could divide the reasons for dating into two types, just for fun dating and serious goal dating.

datemature1. Dating for the pleasure of dating
You do fun things and meet interesting people.  You get companionship without commitment. It gets you out of the house.

2. Dating to find a more permanent relationship
You may be dating as means to accomplishing something else, like finding someone to settle down with.  This type of dating makes the date itself secondary to the desired future relationship.

What if you go on a date for the second reason and you realize it isn’t going to work on that level with the person?  Why not shift gears into the first type and just have some fun!  Everyone can enjoy some casual companionship.  You may end up making a good friend.  It’s also a great way to learn how to relate better to someone new and different. That’s a skill everyone can refine and benefit from.  Practice makes perfect.  Have fun!

DatingIt probably goes without saying that if you are just dating for fun, and you meet your dream-come-true soul-mate, you might be inclined to let ideas of a long term relationship drift into your consciousness.

There are benefits to being open minded. We encourage you to find pleasure and fulfillment in dating regardless of your goals.

“There are two kinds of people in this world : those who believe there are two kinds of people in this world and those who are smart enough to know better.”   Tom Robbins

Maybe you can’t really divide dates into two types?

Enjoy!